When you find yourself interested in someone, there are few things in life more exciting than the thrill of the hunt. Whether you are the predator or the prey, not many things in life feel better than the butterflies you get when you feel desired, or desire someone. As time goes on, it is natural that the romance fades a bit. What was once a pot boiling over has merely become a relationship turned down to simmer. While the love is still there, the feeling of the chase is gone. Can a stalling romance be rekindled? Lust can certainly turn into love, but can old love still be turned into lust?
Maybe you have noticed a decline in conversation? What was once hours of phone calls and nonstop texts has dwindled down to the occasional passive message completely devoid of any warmth. Maybe nightly dates have turned into date night once a week, year, month or not at all. Instead of steamy nights together, you find yourself alone on the couch with a bottle of wine and a block of cheese binge watching “Stranger Things” on Netflix.
It doesn’t mean things are doomed. It doesn’t mean the lust is gone. It just means that you need to work at it.
It is so easy to fall into a comfortable place in a relationship where both parties find themselves not trying as much. Maybe you see them dress up to go out with their friends but when it comes to dinner with you, you are finding they put in zero effort to impressing you. It can make you bitter and resentful. How do you turn those feelings of abandonment into feeling like you’re a priority again?
The first trick is to stay independent. Don’t put your social life on hold for them. If you make that person the center of your world, you could unintentionally cultivate a relationship where they are your only source of happiness. If they have a bad day, you have a worse day. If they want to be left alone, you feel completely devastated and abandoned. By making time for you, you have time to really find yourself and be your own source of happiness. Additionally, you will both find time apart as an opportunity to miss each other. It will give you more things to talk about when you are together and it will make the time as a couple feel that much more special instead of being the same old thing.
If you find that in the relationship, you are the one primarily doing the chasing, stop. If you’re making yourself too available, you are not giving them the opportunity to chase you. You don’t always need to be the one to take charge in the relationship. Let your partner plan a night out together and come looking for you in their own way.
It is just as fun to be the hunted as it is to be the hunter so swap roles and see if that rekindles a spark. On your next date, dress up and put in the effort that you used to put in at the beginning of the relationship. If you want your mate to desire you and rekindle that flame, take charge and put on the occasional show. You aren’t just doing it for them, you’re doing it for you. It will help you feel more confident and that feeling will show in your overall demeanor. Always remember that sexy is a state of mind.
It is easy for a relationship to go stale if no one is working at it. It takes two to tango, but sometimes in life, you have to be the one who turns up the dance music.
Girl Talk began in 2012 as a telltale horror story of the city’s most epic dating disasters and has evolved into a column about love, life experiences and growing up. Melissa also has a weekly Girl Talk TV segment on PA Live, WBRE, and a radio segment every Wednesday on 98.5 KRZ.