Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Sometimes the only way to get to know someone is to get thrown into a situation where you’re sort of stuck with them. I’ve found that often when I’m forced to push past the things that annoy me about a person, I end up liking them far more than the people who just pleased me straight off. Since you’re meeting someone who could end up being important to you in a context that doesn’t easily lend itself to pushing past discomfort or dislike, I encourage you to choose to wade through it, regardless. Give yourself a chance to overcome any initial feather-ruffling and you’ll find that identical hearts (yours and theirs) pump beneath dramatically different exteriors.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
I love having my apartment all to myself. That means I’m naked, naked, naked. You, like me, are suddenly privy to whole rooms full of freedoms you’ve rarely (if ever) experienced before. Take full advantage. Strip down and dance around nude, singing at the top of your lungs. Or whatever works. Just don’t waste this precious time. New roommates will move in soon enough and you’ll have to cover up and keep your singing to a quiet minimum. Or, if you’re like me, you could find ways to be around people who won’t object to your nudity, or your singing, no matter how flabby your bod or out of tune your voice.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
This week may be rife with sudden, unexpected reversals of fortune. You’ll be cruising along, doing your thing, and everything will look like it’s set in stone—as if it’ll all be exactly the same for months or years to come—then BAM! A minor temblor will generate cracks in those rock-solid foundations. You’ll show up to work, school, or your lover’s house, and it’ll be as different as it could possibly be. No need to be anxious and paranoid, but don’t absolutely count on anything this week; it could crumble out from under you without a whisper of warning.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Don’t be squeamish or wimpy this week. The little pinprick you’re fated to feel is nothing compared to the pain you’ll have to endure if you don’t submit now. Consider the minor injury you’ll sustain this week a vaccination; the stab of the needle today is far better than the illness tomorrow. More accurately, if you deal with the minor misery of digging into your soul to remove a firmly lodged psychic splinter now, you won’t have to endure the major agony of inflammation and infection a few weeks down the line. So suffer the sting this week; the alternative could mess you up.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Someone’s pulling the woolly caterpillar over your eyes. The irony is, you’ve been thinking you pulled a fast one on them. Tricky, tricky. Deceptions beget deceptions. Lies require lies. Do you really want to keep playing this game, now that you’ve found an opponent who could escalate it to really dangerous levels? Maybe this is what you’ve been waiting for, a situation where the stakes are high enough to be really exciting: true love or total devastation; banking billions or bankruptcy. Or maybe you’d rather just cut through all the fluff and tell it like it is; come clean even if it makes you look like a total asshole and a villain. I don’t know what’s best for you, but I do know this—either path is going to hurt, but the latter route’s more likely to make you come out ahead, in the end.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Prepare to leave the heady volatility of the last few weeks behind. This week, you’ll finally be able to slow down the pinball game in your head until there isn’t so much zany action. Fewer flashing lights and sound effects will help you focus on some of the tasks you’ve set yourself which require a slower hand, deep patience, and the kind of resolute persistence only those with lots of earthy energy can muster. Take care of that kind of shit this week; it can’t afford to be put off much longer.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You’ve got the splintery end of the stick. In other words, you need to keep an inhumanly tight grip on it. Anything less and you’ll end up with a palm full of three-inch splinters and the humiliation of defeat, to boot. Are you ready for this? If not, you ought to let go, nice and clean, right this very second. This is commitment we’re talking about here, at its simplest. Hang on with every ounce of your strength and will and you’re golden. Let even a whisper of doubt reduce that determination by a fraction and you’re just plain screwed.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
To say you’re not easily put off by smokescreens, trick mirrors, fancy footwork, convoluted wordplay, or flat-out deceptions would be an understatement. You’re fantastic at penetrating veils of untruth or confusion and getting right to the nucleus of what’s what—except when it comes to matters of your own tender heart. In short, the only one who can successfully deceive you for more than a minute is you. This is tricky territory we’ve wandered into, because we all want you to be able to trust yourself—and you will, once you’ve learned to ask yourself the questions, “What do I want the situation to be?” and “What is it, really?” and accept the answers.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Some people have bones that ache when inclement weather approaches. Yours give you trouble when the winds of change start blowing. Feel that stiffness in your fingers, that deep ache in your hips? That’s a dramatic shift in circumstance rolling your way. It could be lightning striking the tree of your life, or your talents bursting into bloom all over. Perhaps you’ve been aiming for this all along, or maybe it’ll come as a near-total surprise. Either way, I hope you get excited, not fearful. There’s little to worry about. Nothing is all good or all bad these days, but this personal revolution is way more good than anything else.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Have you planted your garden yet? It’s almost too late to get those seeds in the ground and still expect them to bear produce before the first frost a few months from now. Get hoeing, baby, and water the earth with your blood, sweat, and tears. I’m talking mostly metaphor here, but this is a good time to plant actual seedlings, as well as open yourself up to new relationships and opportunities that could sprout in a million different directions, or ultimately grow taller, thicker, and stronger than anything you’ve had in your personal plot to date.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Some say Pisceans can’t cope with complication. I beg to differ. Everything in life seems complicated to you; it’s all a matter of degrees. Therefore, you’re experts at dealing with complex circumstances. Got a situation with lots of layers and confusing mixed signals? Send in a Pisces! The key, of course, is to remember to take breaks whenever unraveling a scene is about to make you nuts. Luckily, people won’t freak out when you require a nap mid-discussion or a wild mindless screw just to get out of your head, because they’ll be so grateful you’re there at all.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
I wrote a poem when I was 19 entitled “No one is just one thing.” It wasn’t a particularly good poem, but I stick by its intention—that every single human being on this planet is rife with contradictions and multiple personalities. Only our ideas about ourselves (with the requisite self-deceptions and blinders) can be limited enough to be defined by one label. You’re in danger of restricting yourself too much by sticking to some very narrow concept of identity that doesn’t actually reflect reality. It could be “I’m straight/gay,” “I’m ugly,” “I’m undeserving,” or a million other things. Whatever it is, let it go, already. It’s an illusion you no longer need.