Sorry Mom & Dad: 270 columns down, five to go
I would describe myself as someone who has a way with words, making an entrance and constructing a pretty bomb homemade beer bong.
Some might describe me differently.
They might say I’m funny, selfish, fat, just the right size, ugly, sexy, a gifted writer, shitty writer, driven, obsessed, a frat boy man-child who refuses to grow up or perhaps the life of the party.
I’ve come to realize, however, no matter how great I am to party with, I’ll never be the life of the party. Nobody is really the life of the party, they’re a life of the party.
Each one of us has our own intricate role. Someone has to pump the keg, someone to tell the jokes, someone has to listen to the jokes, someone has to play the music, someone has to dance to the music, someone has to puke from drinking too much, and someone has to clean up the mess. Without each role, there wouldn’t be a party.
The focus should never be on being the life of the party. Just be yourself and you’ll find your role. The focus should be on knowing when to leave the party, because staying too long isn’t good for the outcome of the party or the outcome of your future.
Case in point: when I thought I was about to get shot in a frat house basement. It was my freshman year of college, and I passed out from drinking too much at the Theta Xi house. Next thing I know, I’m laying on the floor with my eyes closed and my brand new Tim’s getting dirtier by the minute, when some brother says, “It’s time to pull the trigger.”
Naturally, I thought I was going to get shot and killed. Instead, I had some dude stick his fingers down my throat to force me to puke.
I stayed at the party too long, because I was afraid I would miss out on the fun, and actually missed out on staying up all night with my roommates — something that I’d give anything now to go back and experience.
Knowing the right time to exit the party is important, according to Dr. Karen Baikie. The clinical psychologist told DailyLife.com the decision to move on measures a person’s inner strength.
“Being able to leave a party when we feel like it, despite the efforts of others to stay, is a reflection on how much we value ourselves,” Baikie said. “We feel torn between what we know is best for us and fitting in and pleasing others.”
Joy Behar from “The View” should make an appointment to see that doctor.
For me, after writing my column in Weekender for more than 5 years, I have decided it is time for me to leave the party.
I’m not leaving because I don’t enjoy writing the column. It has become second nature to me to experience something and think, “I can’t wait to write about that!”
I’m not leaving because I don’t like Weekender. The paper has been a staple in the community long before I started writing for it, and will have its role long after I’m gone. I will always have gratitude, pride and fond memories for the publication that allowed me to establish credibility as a writer.
I’m not leaving because I ran out of things to write about, either. My life is an effortless series of ridiculousness, and sometimes they’ll still be shared on Facebook.com/SorryMomAndDad. Maybe they’ll be published in a book some day.
I’m leaving because it’s time for someone else to enjoy writing for Weekender, and it’s time for me to experience another party.
Until then, I have some trouble to get in to.
Sorry, Mom and Dad.
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