By Justin Adam Brown - [email protected]

Sorry Mom & Dad: If I was president

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Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is America’s obsession.

I guess after Obama proved a black man can finally get in to the White House, it’s time to prove even someone like Trump can grow up to be president.

Thanks to the bombastic billionaire, who I actually think should be elected the next commander in chief, just to shake things up in Washington, D.C., I now believe I can one day be president.

I’m an asshole.

I offend people.

I make things happen.

It might sound crazy, but I think I would make for an impressive president, fulfilling a term that would influence the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Sure, I’m not old enough to be president yet, and I barely have the funds for the poster board and puff pain required to run a campaign for high school class president, but one day that will change. Maybe. And if so, here is how I would tackle some important political issues.


Student loan debt exceeds credit card debt, having hit the trillion dollar mark several years ago. That’s disgusting. If I was president, I would make state colleges have free tuition. Then, for the four years following graduation, the government would take 15 percent of their wages.

This will help the economy immensely. More people will be debt-free and able to buy newer cars and homes. More Americans will be able to be educated. The more educated a nation is the more advanced they are. Duh!


Women should have the right to choose — once. Abortion should not be a form of birth control. After the first abortion, it should be illegal to abort a child. End of story. Who would want to be the idiot fighting for the right to have multiple abortions? There’s more important topics to tackle as a nation than whether it’s anyone’s place to judge if someone wants multiple abortions.


America is a nation that was built on immigrants. To deny foreigners access to a better life in our country would be, well, not American.

If I was president, I would allow anyone who could follow the rules of entering our country a chance at the American dream. Anyone found illegally would be forced into slavery for 12 years to earn their citizenship. That’s right, I’d make them 12 years a slave.


Who cares how much money McDonald’s workers want?

Not me!

If I had a nickel for every time I ordered a hamburger without cheese, but they gave it to me with cheese anyway, I’d be able to spend a night buying hookers with Lamar Odom.

If I was president, I’d focus on raising minimum wage for restaurant servers. That never changes. Who cares if servers make tips. You mean to tell me Olive Garden can’t afford to pay workers more than $2.83 an hour to the people who basically run their company? That’s bull. The server minimum wage should be doubled.


If I was president, I’d give tax cuts to people who hit the gym and eat healthy. Guarantee that would solve our health care problems and obesity rate big time!


Being known as the president who legalized marijuana would be cooler than being the kid in the locker room with the biggest penis.

Legalizing marijuana would boost the economy and minimize organized crime. Taxing it could help make the government a lot of money, which could be spent to provide a universal health care system that wouldn’t make doctors cry.

There’s a lot of issues that should be addressed. But those are the primary ones I feel could help our country be great again.

I should probably mention my vice-president would be Monica Lewinsky, because everybody deserves a second chance.

God bless America!

Justin Adam Brown has been sharing his wildest adventures and life lessons for more than 5 years. Follow him on Instagram and Snapchat @justinadambrown

By Justin Adam Brown

[email protected]

Justin Adam Brown has been sharing his wildest adventures and life lessons for more than 5 years. Follow him on Instagram and Snapchat @justinadambrown