Since the tender age of 4, I was pretty independent. That’s when I started counting down the years, on my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles calendar, until I was able to move as far away from home as possible.
After graduating high school, the next six and a half years were a blur of good times, bad decisions and a feeling of freedom only Jaycee Dugard could appreciate more. Then, the day I never saw coming happened: I had to move back home. In an economy as unstable as a “Teen Mom” star’s period, I found out that I’m not the only one left biting their tongue by moving back with the ‘rents.
Whether you’re just graduating college, getting divorced or a drug addict, I believe everyone who has to move back home should stick together. As someone who has been back for a few years, I came up with some helpful tips of how to live with your parents:
5. Never call your mother out on having a hot flash. This is especially for the recent college grads. You’re likely to be introduced to a different version of your mother. I called her the Menopause Monster. She’ll be super sweet one minute and act like she needs an exorcism the next. Oh, and she’ll always be hot. It doesn’t matter if everyone else in the room is underneath a blanket and she’s so wet with sweat it looks like she just competed in a wet T-shirt contest in Miami, call her out and the Menopause Monster will unleash.
4. Lock your bedroom door. Welcome to a period of watching porn with no volume. You’ll get used to it. What you won’t get used to is your parents barging in your bedroom. Make sure you lock your door. The last thing you need is your mother barging in your room at 7:30 a.m. to tell you Bobbi Kristina is still in a coma.
3. Support their ideas. Once parents reach a certain age in their 50s, they start buying food they don’t eat in bulk because it’s on sale and thinking of off-the-wall ideas for when they retire. Never give them your honest opinion. Just support their crazy ideas, because at some point, they’ve done the same for you.
2. Your younger sibling will always be right. Get used to it. If you’re moving back with your parents and you still have a younger sibling at home, they’ll always win an argument. Just get used to it. Last week I was sitting in the family room with my mom and my sister, and while I was checking my SnapChat, my sister told my mom that I was SnapChatting her. I wasn’t, but because my younger sister said I was, my parents weren’t interested in hearing otherwise. It’s their house now. You’re a guest.
1. Enjoy your time with them. It may be difficult, but try your best to enjoy this time with them. They’re getting older. Even though we drive each other crazy most of the time, I know I won’t be living with them for very much longer. So make the most of it because after all, you won’t be living with them for the rest of your life. Fingers crossed.