Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
I’ve met many a brilliant Aquarian—some virtual geniuses, even. But most of them are also notoriously impractical. They don’t value doing things the easy way. This isn’t such a bad thing, generally. But when you turn aside from the simplest route to your destination, even when it’s mapped out before you, simply out of principle, you’ve got a problem. Imagine that in this case (and in at least a few others), the easiest way to get where you’re going might actually also be the best way. I know it goes against all your (backwards) instincts, but please—at least consider it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Beware of cliques, because they’re going to rule this week, at least from your perspective. Since you’ve never especially been the clique-y sort, you’re apt to feel quite cut off and isolated from these obnoxious little groupings whose main purpose appears to be to fuel your sense of isolation and alienation. What are we going to do with you, dear? I know you’re not much of a joiner, but that doesn’t mean you need to spend the next little bit totally alone? Why not invite people to gather around you? Start your own damn clique. People want to be around you. This week, they just need an excuse.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
This is a dangerous thing to tell an Aries, but it’s nevertheless true: It’s not you, it’s them. Yep, it’s just not your problem, darling. There’s nothing wrong with how you are, much as some people don’t like or understand it. Instead of feeling bad about that, you’ve just got to get with some folks who get it and dig it. I’m one, and there are plenty more Ram fans out there. Stop forcing yourself on those who aren’t feeling it, and locate the ones who are not only ready to feel it, they’re desperate to.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You’re renowned for your stick-to-it-iveness, but don’t confuse determination and persistence with just plain stubbornness. If what you’re doing isn’t working, you may be right in assuming it’s because you haven’t put enough blood, sweat, and tears into it yet. But please consider the possibility that it’s simply not the right path for you, and will never really work, no matter how long and hard you labor at it. Don’t be afraid to change your course, especially if a seemingly better route (or slightly different destination) presents itself. In that case, sticking to your own original plan, even though it’s not working at all, would be sheer lunacy.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Sorry, I keep getting distracted every time I sit down to write your horoscope. It’s almost as if the universe is conspiring to keep me from doing it. Sound familiar? You often let your situation get the best of you, and are kept from being in top form because you’re frazzled, overtired, or easily diverted. The difference is, I know I’m in this predicament because of my mind, not because reality is conniving to impair my productivity. Are you really faced with more distractions than the average person, or simply more susceptible to being sidetracked by them? All I know is this: until you decide that your lack of focus is about you, and not about your circumstances, nothing about the situation will improve.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Some studies show that if you eat less you’ll live longer. Those that consume less than the recommended daily allowance are more likely to have longer, healthier lives. Why, then, does it feel good to overeat? What kind of shitty evolutionary trait is that? Who knows why our bodies can’t catch up with our minds? What I do know is that even though listening to your gut and body are generally good ideas, they can, occasionally, lead you astray. This week, let logic, reason, and hardcore evidence sway you, even if they go against your gut instinct, or belly’s rumbling desires.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Even enlightened Leos are more susceptible to flattery than most other signs. Big deal. What are you supposed to do? Not feel good when someone gives you a sincere compliment? You should enjoy it when you receive praise. You have a problem, though, when you start to feel bad when you don’t get the admiration or tribute you think you deserve. That’s when it’s time for a thicker skin, so you can stop caring quite so much about what others think of you. Is what you’re doing important to you, for its own sake? Whatever the answer, it should be all you need. If it’s not, yet, make it so.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Right now, you’re probably (secretly) semi-frantically searching for a new project to fill a recently vacated space in your agenda. However, may I encourage you to hold off, at least, on jumping into any new commitments? There’s simply nothing, at the moment, that’s especially worth your while. Keep yourself as free and available as possible as long as possible, because the right project (or person) lies just over the horizon out of sight. It’d be a shame to miss out on that chance because you jumped the gun on something or someone who’s simply not worthy of what you have to offer.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Imagine for a moment being lost and alone on a tropical island. There are no conflicts to mediate, no lovers to please, no expectations to live up to, no other people to react to in any way. How would you act? Would you even know what to do? It seems lately that everything you do is a reaction to someone else in some way. What about who you are really comes from you? This week, check yourself. Notice how much of what you’re doing is because you really and truly, deep down, want to do it, and how much is because someone else wants you to (or you think they do). It’s all right to bend to other people’s desires sometimes, but all the time (or even most of the time)? That’s just not right.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Of all the signs in the zodiac I am perhaps most intrigued and fascinated with you Scorpios. You have the potential to develop into some of the most powerful and intensely alive people around—but it takes time. You usually need many years to ripen into your full power; before that you’re usually charmingly idealistic or sweetly inexperienced. At those times, people can sometimes treat you with something less than the respect (and awe) you know you deserve. Please don’t blame them, though. You know what’s inside you, waiting to come out. They don’t, at least not yet. This week, seek out the company of those who are able to see and appreciate your potential, even if it hasn’t fully manifested yet.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Darling, you can’t polish a turd. Your attempts to dress up some less-than-impressive chapter of your history are embarrassing, and simply not worthy of you. Everyone has screwed up at some point. There’s no need to try to make it look like anything but a mistake you made. Your honesty is one of the main qualities people will admire (and be attracted to) in you, not your supposedly unblemished past. Own the shit you’ve done, both good and bad. The people you want in your life are those who can admire and appreciate a whole person—and that means someone who’s made (and learned from) a lot of mistakes.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
I look for people who surprise me. I’m thrilled when someone does something I never would have guessed them capable of, or displays some part of themselves that I find shocking. Capricorns, as it turns out, are quite often capable of these kinds of surprises—you just don’t often let us experience them. You have many facets, but your life is so compartmentalized that the people in it generally don’t see more than one (or occasionally, two). Mix it up a little. You might be right in assuming that no one in your life is prepared to enjoy all sides of you, but most of us are ready to experience a few more.
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