By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you?

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    Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

    For days, you’ve turned this idea over and over in your mind; now it’s roasted all the way through, like a pig on a spit, and still you’re no closer to a decision or conclusion. Has it ever occurred to you that your brain just doesn’t have an answer to this one? Or that it’s simply incapable of answering it? Your mind is a useful tool, but it’s ill-equipped to address primal stuff like sex, death, and love. When it comes to all that deep animal soul stuff, you’ve got to let yourself be guided by heart, gut, and loins, in whatever combination that works. Stop thinking. It’s getting you exactly nowhere.

    Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

    Imagine this scenario: You’re alone on a hike deep in the woods, and you take a tumble, seriously gashing your leg. You apply pressure to the wound, but it’s not enough to staunch the bleeding. What do you do? You apply a tourniquet, thereby limiting the flow of blood to the limb until you can get suitably patched up. Other wounds—emotional, metaphorical, spiritual—require the same treatment. You’re losing copious amounts of what keeps you going. You’ve got to limit the resources flowing towards the wound—be it attitude, relationship, or faith. Either find a way to do that, or amputate.

    Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

    Indulge yourself. Partake especially in all the things you enjoy that are bad for you. You’re less likely than usual to suffer negative consequences from their consumption. That doesn’t mean you’re immune to hangovers, guilt, backlash, drama, or embarrassment this week, just a lot more resistant to them. You may, of course, choose to avoid this kind of trouble altogether, but I hope you don’t; that’d be dead boring. If you’re ever going to practice hedonistic immoderation, now is a better time than most. Get to it, and don’t come back until you’re completely satisfied.

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    I look back on the handful of Aries men I’ve dated with tremendous fondness; despite their imperfections, they were unfailingly exciting and romantic. I’m definitely part of the Ram fan club—that group of people who really enjoy what you have to offer. You’d forgotten we were out there, hadn’t you? I’m not surprised—admirers have been thin on the ground, lately, or eclipsed by your many critics. You haven’t lost your touch, though, as you’d begun to believe; you’ve simply lost touch with the crowd who gets and appreciates you. Find us again, won’t you? We miss you, desperately.

    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    I love books. I can be half-starved, counting change to buy dinner, but if I can get a book I want for the same price, I’ll go without food. I’m not one of those people who just lets books sit on a shelf for years without reading them, either. Those books get tossed into bags, carried everywhere, and read on trains, toilets, queues, and barstools, and end up dog-eared and loved. What do you love more than food? What will you sacrifice to have it in your life? Please tell me there’s something you’re that passionate about. If there isn’t, spend this week figuring out just why that is.

    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    You’re fantastic in many ways—just possibly not in exactly the ways you wish you were. Examine that. Are you not trying hard enough, or not giving it enough time and energy? Could it be that this simply isn’t your thing? I won’t counsel you to ever give up on your dreams. But may I suggest that you take a break from this one, which may not come to fruition for a long time (if ever)? Give yourself a chance to shine right now. Do what you’re good at for a little while. Then go back to your aspirations, if you still want to.

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    Your most exciting and frustrating chapters have come from sort of inflicting your intensity on people who either weren’t ready for it or weren’t sure they were into it. You love challenging people to access new heights and depths within themselves. But how often are you yourself challenged in this way? Certainly not very, especially not from other Cancers, since you recognize and are immune to all their familiar tricks and strategies. This week, however, you have a chance to dunk yourself into water that’s truly over your head. We all know how often you’ve shoved others into exactly this kind of situation. No one’s going to push you, though. The question is: do you have the chutzpah to jump?

    Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

    Leos love to lounge. Although you’re capable of summoning forth tremendous energy (enough to outshine virtually anyone else), unless you’re properly motivated you’re world-class slackers. What then is your motivation? It could be anything—a desire to create beauty, to have fun, to simply relieve your boredom—because eventually even your devoted friends will tire of entertaining you. This week, you’ve got to face facts: even though you’ve surrounded yourself with hilarious pranksters, movers, and shakers, there comes a time when it’s up to you, and only you, to make shit happen. This, darling, is that time.

    Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

    You’ve been working incredibly hard for quite some time now, but I have to ask: is it really getting you somewhere? Because sometimes Virgos can get so caught up in the activity itself that they don’t necessarily examine the results. It could turn out that you’ve been swimming furiously around and around inside a fishbowl. You’re exhausted when you finally discover you haven’t actually gone anywhere. Stop. Take a breath. Float. See where you actually are, in more detail than the usual blur you surround yourself with. Is it where you were headed? No? Better or worse than what you expected? Once you’ve assessed your progress, then (and only then) can you get yourself really (back) on track.

    Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

    Your stocks are about to skyrocket. What’s with the sudden surge in popularity? A whole host of people (who’d either forgotten or never realized) have suddenly figured out just what hot shit you are. Suddenly, legions of overnight fans are intent on drawing you and your indispensable fellows into their lives. I know you love to feel needed, but be careful; no one can meet this much need. Don’t be overwhelmed by all those clamoring for your time and attention. Stay cool and be prudent about how far you’ll go, and for whom. This is an amazing opportunity, but if you can’t keep your head, you’ll lose it instead.

    Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

    You rarely had trouble taking your medicine (actual or figurative) as a child. You pragmatically perceived the necessity and/or inevitability of what had to happen and you just got it over with. Mostly, that willingness to swallow pride and misery has stayed with you into adulthood. Thus it’s hard for you identify with those who flee their sorrows and hassles, and long for sugar to help the medicine go down. Help them anyway, won’t you? Asking them to stretch and channel your innate fortitude won’t be enough, however. Unless you stretch, too—developing compassion and losing judgment of their differences—any lesson you try to offer simply won’t stick.

    Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

    You’re an excellent protector—when you’re around. In fact, many of the people drawn to you are attracted because of the kind of safety you represent. The irony is that you’re frequently so busy having your own adventures that they’re left to fend for themselves more often than not. Fair enough—it’s not your job to shield those you love from all of life’s stresses and challenges. But recognize that you’ve been doing a lot more helping yourself and a lot less for those who need your help lately. This is a good week to tip the balance back. You’re doing okay, so giving them some sweetness and the warm comfort of your arms wouldn’t cost you much. It sure would, however, mean a lot to them.

    By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

    To contact Caeriel send mail to [email protected]

    To contact Caeriel send mail to [email protected]