By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you?

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FILE - In this Oct. 30, 2015, file photo, chef Bobby Flay, center, attends the Breeders' Cup horse races at Keeneland race track in Lexington, Ky. Celebrity chef and prominent racehorse owner Bobby Flay has been named to the National Museum of Racing and Hall of Fames board of trustees. The appointment was announced Monday, Nov. 23, 2015, by museum president Gretchen Jackson.(AP Photo/Brynn Anderson, File)

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Wild creatures often have remarkable senses of direction. They can somehow orient themselves towards home, without familiar landmarks, even from great distances away. The Sagittarian internal compass, however, works differently, pointing unerringly towards unfamiliar territory—new and unexplored physical, mental, and spiritual landscapes. Consequently, you tend to steer relationships into whitewater and your own soul into blinding places (both dark and light). This can, naturally, be alarming for less adventurous friends and lovers. In fact, just to please (or keep) them, you occasionally need to ignore that backwards lodestone and head away from your personal frontiers. Do that now: retreat into familiar territory or the next time you venture into the unknown, you’ll be alone.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Capricorns love inevitabilities. Even death, for its sheer unavoidability, is peculiarly satisfying to some members of your tribe. When you’re playing a game—whether it’s cards or the stock market—you love the moment when it becomes clear—if only to you—that you’ve got the thing wrapped up, and there’s nothing anybody else can do about it. That’s what you’ve got coming to you this week, you lucky dog: exactly that feeling. Not a victory—not yet—but the route to one. If you play your cards right—which you will, I’m sure—you’ll soon see how you’ve got this one in the bag.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

It’s a good week to mobilize the posse, because you need your crowd around you right now. Whatever you’re up to—even if it’s just about having fun—you can’t even begin to accomplish it without your gang. They might need some rallying and inspired pep talks to get going, though. After all, they’ve got all their shit going on, too. If you’re persistent enough (and are willing to make deals and grub favors), they’ll come around, so don’t balk when they dig in their heels. Caving—instead of pushing through their resistance—would be the worst way to set yourself up for the new year, so don’t.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Most Pisceans I know are good meditators. In fact, most of my Fish friends spend significant chunks of their time—at least when they’re alone—staring at walls and thinking about nothing. You need periods of concentrated, full-on downtime. It’s what fuels your pseudo-psychic powers (and brilliantly strange pseudo-psychoses, too). Sometimes, because you don’t necessarily consciously pursue some actual meditation practice, you don’t give yourself the quiet stretches you need, and you start to freak. It’s hard to justify laying around doing nothing while you have so many demands on your attention. Nevertheless, for the sake of your own sanity and happiness, this week you must find a way to do just that.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Every Aries, at an early age, learns a secret: if you say something with conviction, perhaps spice it with a few interesting details, people will often believe you. You can use these factual-seeming tidbits to support whatever argument you’re proponing at the time. An old boyfriend used to call this habit I had “quoting from The Book of Caeriel.” The problem comes when you start believing your own propaganda, then someone tries to make you resolve it with hard “facts” pertaining to the “real world.” As this is likely to happen this week, in a way you can’t simply ignore, you have a choice: either go batshit insane and ride your sinking ship of made-up crap all the way down, or admit to your misinformation campaign, have a good laugh (partially at your own expense), and move on.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Cancer’s symbol is the Crab, and like that creature, once they get their pincers in someone, they’re unlikely to release them. You do not have quite the same reputation for clinginess, but your infamous stubbornness and persistence can translate into something quite similar this week. I admire your determination, I really do. But sometimes it’s best to recognize that no amount of bullheaded resolve will bend this particular situation to your will. Instead, you must apply that tremendous willpower to a much more difficult task: truly and utterly letting go.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Personally, I think of every skill I acquire as a kind of superpower. Learn a new language, for example, and suddenly you can communicate with millions of people you were cut off from before, and your horizons are expanded as well. But of course you can’t realistically go around trying to acquire skills willy-nilly. Even if you’re so amazing you can learn 13 languages at once without getting confused, you only have so much room in your mental toolbox—and tools you don’t use quickly grow rusty and useless. Opportunities to grow outpace your ability to take advantage of them this week. Pick and choose from them carefully.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You have more power to confuse yourself and screw your life up than any five outside influences combined. That may seem obvious to you, but I wonder, because you’ve been giving the shit that’s gone down lately way too much credit for sidetracking you, when it’s actually only a small part of what’s delayed your progress. What is holding you back is just you. Realize (or remember) that, please, so you can just step over or around the real-life obstacles set ahead of you without much trouble. Getting over yourself isn’t easy, I know. Luckily, you’ll soon have some help. When someone laughs at your ridiculousness this week, don’t bristle. Laugh along.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Anyone who habitually answers your questions with questions raises red flags. You want to know what’s up, and interacting with a mirror—despite your reputation for self-centeredness—isn’t that interesting. I don’t blame you for avoiding, like the plague, anyone who squirms out from under your honest, straightforward scrutiny. However, just because someone doesn’t like to be pinned down doesn’t mean they’re evil or even especially flaky. Find a way to discern between those who are underhanded or unreliable, and the few who are simply fascinating unknowable (there’s at least one in this week’s batch) and you’ll be entertained, comforted, and pleased (if a bit confused) all winter long.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Once the room’s been cleaned, the dishes washed, the bills paid—then you can think, relax, and enjoy yourself. Sometimes it’s exceedingly important for you Virgos to bring closure to practical matters before you can allow yourself to embark on flights of fancy, rafts of inspiration, or magic carpet rides (no matter what forms they take). I’m hoping you’ve already done all the boring, practical stuff before this week even began, because I don’t want anything cutting into your fun and playtime. If you haven’t, get that shit done, pronto, so you can enjoy all the good stuff coming your way during the next seven days.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

I love it when I get mail from Libras—whether it’s of the hate or love variety. I worry when you don’t express your opinions, Libra—something which happens all too often. It makes it seem, frequently, that you simply don’t have any, and since those you need (or at least want) to impress this week appreciate bold thoughts and straightforward speech, they might not think too highly of you should you be too bland, unforthcoming, or uncontroversial. It might seem weird to you, but most interesting people would rather you had a strong opinion that they disagreed with than not professing to any position on a given subject. Speak your mind—which might, it goes without saying, involve making it up.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Right now you’re like a room full of electronic components all running from one power outlet. Each of them is plugged into the other, so if one fails, all the rest down the line will blow out, too. You’ve recently sensed, and started to panic a bit about, the precariousness of your current set-up, only you haven’t been sure how to change it, or even what your options are. Luckily, someone or something you encounter this week is likely to do more than just bring along an extension cord. They can help you rewire the whole place. I suggest you take them up on the offer. You won’t get another chance like this until after you’ve suffered a meltdown.

Celebrity Birthdays

Nicki Minaj: Dec. 8, 1982

Tre Cool: Dec. 9, 1973

Bobby Flay: Dec. 10, 1964 (pictured)

Rey Mysterio: Dec. 11, 1974

Mayim Bialik: Dec. 12, 1975

Taylor Swift: Dec. 13, 1989

Vanessa Hudgens: Dec. 14, 1988

To contact Caeriel send mail to [email protected]

By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

FILE – In this Oct. 30, 2015, file photo, chef Bobby Flay, center, attends the Breeders’ Cup horse races at Keeneland race track in Lexington, Ky. Celebrity chef and prominent racehorse owner Bobby Flay has been named to the National Museum of Racing and Hall of Fames board of trustees. The appointment was announced Monday, Nov. 23, 2015, by museum president Gretchen Jackson.(AP Photo/Brynn Anderson, File)
http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/web1_bobbyflay.jpgFILE – In this Oct. 30, 2015, file photo, chef Bobby Flay, center, attends the Breeders’ Cup horse races at Keeneland race track in Lexington, Ky. Celebrity chef and prominent racehorse owner Bobby Flay has been named to the National Museum of Racing and Hall of Fames board of trustees. The appointment was announced Monday, Nov. 23, 2015, by museum president Gretchen Jackson.(AP Photo/Brynn Anderson, File)

To contact Caeriel send mail to [email protected]

Celebrity Birthdays

Nicki Minaj: Dec. 8, 1982

Tre Cool: Dec. 9, 1973

Bobby Flay: Dec. 10, 1964 (pictured)

Rey Mysterio: Dec. 11, 1974

Mayim Bialik: Dec. 12, 1975

Taylor Swift: Dec. 13, 1989

Vanessa Hudgens: Dec. 14, 1988