By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

Sign language: What do the stars have in line for you?

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Ryan Gosling presents the new Hollywood award at the Hollywood Film Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Sunday, Nov. 1, 2015, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP)

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You know what you need in your life right now? A Virgo. A Virgo will show up at your place, water the plants (all on the verge of death), wash the moldy dishes in the sink, open the windows, and generally help you get your shit together by taking care of all the stuff that was holding you back (without you knowing it). Chances are, you already have a Virgo in your life who’s more than willing to do all this for you, if you just give them a chance. Go ahead; you need that kind of nurture and support at the moment. But don’t forget: at some point you’ve got to give something back, or it’s just not fair. I’m telling you, point blank, because the poor generous Virgo never will. Do right by them.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Everyone remembers how and when they met you. You make a striking first impression—for good or ill—every time. Usually, you manage to come off as the likeable, optimistic, and friendly person you are—but if someone catches you during one of your rare bad moods or on an off day, you have a hell of a time burning off the nasty persona you’ve seared into their minds—assuming they even give you a chance. Hey, you can’t do much about occasionally sinking into unsociable depths, but you can keep from drowning down there. All that’s required, at least this week, is persistence. Attempt to prove to the one(s) you gave the wrong impression that that’s not who you really are, and don’t quit until you have.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

The first time you have sex is often painful, embarrassing, or both. But it gets, generally, easier and better as you go. This is true of a lot of other things, including the venture you’ve recently embarked upon. Don’t dismiss it just because your first time sucked. Where would you be if you’d made the same decision about sex? It’s one of those learning-curve situations. You just haven’t gotten the hang of it yet. You’ll see, it’ll get better—so much so that pretty soon, if you persist, it’ll be one of your favorite things.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The problem with exerting such a high degree of control over your environs is it makes you a bit lonely, doesn’t it? The alternative—letting someone in—is akin to simply allowing chaos to sweep through and wreak havoc on all your careful organization. Ironically, you’ve done all this work to make room for someone else—only to find, such a long time after you began, that no one fits perfectly into the space you’ve made. This week it may come to a head, and a decision must be made between preserving the reality you’ve so carefully spun or honoring the intention with which you began spinning it.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Right now I’m looking at a lovely hippy cliché: a VW bus painted with blue skies and bright yellow sunflowers. I wouldn’t be surprised, however, if this was the sole abode of a Pisces CEO worth millions. You’re all about these shocking contrasts lately, and while folks like me might take them in delighted stride, others are a little less resilient, and apt to be put off or frightened. Therefore, mystery’s your ally this week. I’m not talking about lying or misleading anyone; just let your idiosyncrasies unfold slowly, instead of delivering them all in one electrifying surge.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You possess a singularly focused energy that either inspires people or fills them with smug (deluded) feelings of superiority. It strikes some as laughably simplistic to charge straight ahead at full velocity like you do. But it fills others with awe. Why such polarized reactions, you wonder? Darling, to have people respond to you in a more moderate way, you’ve got to occupy some kind of middle ground, instead of living on the radical edges of whatever landscape you’ve chosen. But is that really what you want? Or might it be better to simply get used to people either loving or despising you, and leave it at that?

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Here’s the problem: you see a potential true love across a room. Your eyes lock, hearts pound—then you get nervous and look (or run!) away. Oh, shit. I feel for you, especially because sometimes this means you never see the person again, and consequently spend months (or years) wondering what might have been. That Missed Connection crap sucks. I can’t retrain a lifetime of habit for you—but you can, and this is a good week to start. Don’t fear intensity. It’s exactly what you want, even if it’s shocking and scary. When it presents itself, run towards it, for goodness’ sake, not away.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

I picture you knee-deep at the edge of a turbulent ocean. One part of you is excited by the vigor of the 6-foot waves and the potential fun they represent, while another is fearful of their danger. So you stand there, paralyzed, just getting cold, not really enjoying the water, nor relaxing on the beach soaking up sun. You see where I’m going with this, right? Your inability to make and stick to a decision at the moment is treating you to the worst of both worlds. I don’t know which is best, either, but enough is enough. I say just choose (at random, if necessary) and make the best of whatever happens next; it’s bound to be better than what’s happening now.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

During the early 17th century in the Netherlands, tulips were the shit. A singly bulb of a rare variety could command a year’s salary. Anyone who was anyone needed the hottest tulips—even though they were far too valuable to plant and actually enjoy. This ridiculous economy finally collapsed in 1637, but something very much like it exists today—and you’re supporting it with your misguided participation. By putting value on something that actually doesn’t have much, you’re deluding at least a couple people who can’t afford to lose what they think they’re gaining. Before you accidentally rob them of whatever self-esteem they have left, you’d better think of something worthwhile you can give them to compensate for what you’re taking.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Every Leo wants their own personal Jesus—at least when you’re young and a bit innocent. At that point in your life, you want someone to take care of and save you and listen to your every wish and generally look out for you. “Doesn’t everybody?” you ask. Maybe, but not everybody feels they deserve one. Even if you’ve gotten over this juvenile and unrealistic desire, vestiges remain, and color your relationship with whomever you’re most intimate with. This week, concentrate on not allowing this fantasy (or whatever echoes are left from it) to eclipse your relationship’s reality, as it has in the past.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Occasionally, you revert to your least evolved self, where what those you know think of you is more important than what you think of yourself, as if the degree of effect you have on the world around you reflects your value as a person. In these moments a tear-stained letter or a gold ring mean more than all your past achievements and future aspirations put together. Wanting the world to act as your mirror is nothing to feel bad about—we all need validation at times. But letting yourself get stuck when you don’t get exactly what you desire when you desire it—well, I hope you find that as unacceptable as I do.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

When you overcome your reluctance to venture out into the spotlight and potentially make a fool of yourself, you don’t do it in half-measures. In fact, you’re downright disappointed if you’re not subsequently called out for an encore or three. That’s your style; you might drag your feet on the way there, but once you’re in, you’re all in. Unfortunately, your unwillingness to leap without looking is causing angst and worry in someone you know and love—could you spare them a little reassurance? Make sure they get that you’re just waiting to be certain or until you have no other choice, and that you may not do things quickly, but you also don’t do them halfway.

Celebrity Birthdays

Leonardo DiCaprio: Nov. 11, 1974

Ryan Gosling: Nov. 12, 1980

Jimmy Kimmel: Nov. 13, 1967

Josh Duhamel: Nov. 14, 1972

Shailene Woodley: Nov. 15, 1991

Gemma Atkinson: Nov. 16, 1984

Danny Devito: Nov. 17, 1944

To contact Caeriel send mail to [email protected]

By Caeriel Crestin | For Weekender

Ryan Gosling presents the new Hollywood award at the Hollywood Film Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Sunday, Nov. 1, 2015, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP)
http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/web1_gosling.jpgRyan Gosling presents the new Hollywood award at the Hollywood Film Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Sunday, Nov. 1, 2015, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP)

To contact Caeriel send mail to [email protected]

Celebrity Birthdays

Leonardo DiCaprio: Nov. 11, 1974

Ryan Gosling: Nov. 12, 1980

Jimmy Kimmel: Nov. 13, 1967

Josh Duhamel: Nov. 14, 1972

Shailene Woodley: Nov. 15, 1991

Gemma Atkinson: Nov. 16, 1984

Danny Devito: Nov. 17, 1944