It is a new year.

A time to start fresh. To throw out the old and bring in the new and evaluate who we are, what we are doing, and who we are doing it with. Some people vow to lose weight, others resolve to get organized or come into money. It’s a chance to be a better version of ourselves, but are we being honest with who we are and what we need?

After some recent soul searching I found myself questioning the person who I have become. Was I happy? Was I surrounding myself with positivity? Was I taking care of me?

The answer on all fronts was a big fat no.

Speaking of big and fat, I have found myself rather unhappy with my physical appearance.

The number on the scale hasn’t varied much, but I was feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. When it came to shaving my legs, I had become Elsa and sang “Let It Go” every time I looked at them. I stopped trying to do my hair. My nails had the sad remnants of a month-old manicure. I adopted sweatpants and baggy shirts as a daily wardrobe choice.

I let myself go.

I stopped caring for myself because I let my mind pull me in so many other directions these past few months. It seems like eons since I smiled last and if I didn’t feel noticed or important to myself, why the hell should I care about how anyone else thought of me?

I need to start caring. The old adage says something along the lines of “you can’t keep filling everyone’s cup if your kettle is empty.” My kettle has been so dry lately that I can’t even have an imaginary tea party with my daughter.

So, I have decided to care.

Let’s do this 2017.

I let myself cry today. I cried in the shower for a solid hour. I cried for people I have lost and facts I had uncovered. I cried for the betrayals, broken hearts, bounced checks and disappointments. I have been holding everything in for so long that the tiniest bump on my daily road of life would cause me to go from sweetheart to psycho in half a second.

For so long I have just been getting by. The crying was therapeutic and so needed. As I stood there naked watching snot and tears move swiftly to the drain I realized that I truly have not been my best self and a lot of that inward animosity has bled into so many other facets of my life and ruined them.

Was everything my fault? No, it hasn’t been. My approach to them hasn’t made things any better though.

I need to start dealing with things. I need to start taking care of me, inside and out. I need to bring the positive back in my life and find reasons every day to smile.

It is so true that everyday isn’t good, but there is good in every day.

My 2017 resolution is to find it and find me.

I hope you can too.

Happy hunting.

Melissa Hughes
http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/web1_girltalk.jpg.optimal.jpgMelissa Hughes

By Melissa Hughes

For Weekender

Girl Talk began in 2012 as a telltale horror story of the city’s most epic dating disasters and has evolved into a column about love, life experiences and growing up. Melissa also has a weekly Girl Talk TV segment on PA Live and WBRE.