When on the search for love, we always try to be the best versions of ourselves in an effort to attract the ideal mate. When we start dating, generally we try our best to dress a little nicer, put more effort into our hair and make-up routine and be on our best behavior.
My grandmother always told me to act like a lady in order to make the best first impression (because you only get one chance Melissa Joy). How long is the extra effort going to last? When do we let on that the jig is up?
Last weekend while sitting at dinner, I noticed the people at the table next to me were experiencing the uncomfortable agony of an awkward first date. Being the nosy people-watcher that I am, I decided to spend my mealtime observing and taking mental notes. The girl was trying her best to make a great first impression. Her hair and make-up were flawless, her outfit was fitted to perfection and you could see she took every extra measure to be her best self.
As the food arrived, I saw he had ordered a big steak dinner that he dug into with salivating desire and hungered fists of fury. She on the other hand, ordered a dainty salad which she gracefully pushed around her plate trying ever so hard to not get a drop of salad dressing on her lips. She wiped with a napkin after each tiny bite. Four bites in she pushed away her plate saying she couldn’t possibly eat another bite. They left together after their meal and I can imagine she played the damsel in distress card the rest of the night until she went home and ate an entire box of Kraft mac and cheese in private.
I get it.
I have been there.
I have been a salad pusher because I couldn’t bear the thought of a man knowing I eat real food or have him see me with smeared make-up and bed head.
I remember mornings when I would wake up before my boyfriend so I could brush my teeth and hair and put on make-up before he woke up so he would only see me as the princess he knew the night before.
Why do we do it?
Why do we live in a world where ladies have to pretend we don’t enjoy steak and potatoes? Why do we pretend girls don’t fart or that we sometimes let dishes sit in the sink until they stink or that we don’t sometimes watch the occasional porn?
If we are searching for a mate who accepts us for who we really are, why can’t we just be who we really are?
The quote says “if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.”
While I think this is a fantastic sentiment, in the real world are we ready to show all of our worst up front?
It’s about your comfort level. Maybe you aren’t emotionally ready yet to let them see you standing in the kitchen wearing just your underwear while you eat cold Nardone’s pizza straight from the box, but you’ll get there. I think the trick is to gradually let the walls down. As they gain your trust, brick by brick let them in.
To the salad pushers and gas holder-inners, I do implore you to excuse yourself for comfort and eat a sandwich.
Ladies, the jig is up, we eat food and fart.
We get bad breath and morning hair.
Our eyeliner smears and the smell from the inside of your trendy ballet flats is putrid enough to knock out a horse. Despite all of the flaws, you are still human. At your best, worst, and everything in between, you deserve someone to love and accept you for the fabulous hot mess we all are.
Who are you when no one is looking?
Girl Talk began in 2012 as a telltale horror story of the city’s most epic dating disasters and has evolved into a column about love, life experiences and growing up. Melissa also has a weekly Girl Talk TV segment on PA Live, WBRE, and a radio segment every Wednesday on 98.5 KRZ.