Girl Talk: Caught masturdating in public and not a regret in the world
The old saying goes “in order to love someone else, you must first love yourself.” This is a simple enough thought and one on which I could get on board. However, while great in theory, it’s not so easy in practice. Do you like who you are when you are alone being yourself? Have you ever masturdated?
I needed to get in touch with myself, on the inside. I decided it was time to masturdate. Masturdating, the art of going on a date completely alone. The thought might be terrifying, embarrassing and a little self-centered, but if you can’t stand to be alone in your own company, can you really expect anyone else to?
I am in a relationship. It is happy and healthy and I love my boyfriend very much. There are days though when I reflect on the relationship I have with myself and I can see that the way I feel about the person I am inside is not so healthy or happy.
I criticize every flaw. I listen to every critique. I create problems and am neurotic about things that aren’t even really issues. I try to keep myself so busy doing things for others and worrying about what makes them happy that I don’t have time to think about the good things about me or the things that make me happy. Why is it so easy for us to pick out our own imperfections, yet near impossible to look in the mirror and say “wow, you look great today”?
So I did it. I masturdated out in public. I took myself on a date and did the things I wanted to do. Just me. What did I learn? Let me tell you this; it was so therapeutic that I think I might start publicly masturdating on a regular basis. I went to a movie. I walked around the mall. I went out for coffee and dessert. I drank wine and listened to some music. At first, it was kind of uncomfortable. But once I got comfortable with the fact that the day was all about me, it was purely blissful.
Yes, these are all activities that I do on the regular with my girlfriends, my daughter and my man. But there was something profoundly relaxing about charting my own course for the day. I didn’t answer or check my phone. I didn’t count the calories of my brownie or feel embarrassed about what I was eating. I just lived. I did what I wanted for me. It was so good for the soul.
I ended the day feeling comfortable in my own skin. My party of one wasn’t such a bad party at all. I even bought an outfit and, for the first time in a long time, I was in the right mental state to not stare at myself searching for imperfections. Instead, I strutted in front of that mirror with a Kanye West air of confidence.
I’m falling back in love with myself. The more time I spend doing the things I want and taking care of myself, the better I will be; not only for myself, but for those I love. No one likes a Debbie Downer. For a while now, that was me. The more I masturdate, the more I am starting to see all of the great things about me that everyone else sees.
Turns out, I’m not such bad company after all.
Girl Talk began in 2012 as a telltale horror story of the city’s most epic dating disasters and has evolved into a column about love, life experiences and growing up. Melissa also has a weekly Girl Talk TV segment on PA Live, WBRE, and a radio segment every Wednesday on 98.5 KRZ.