Twas the column before Christmas and all through the page, the writer was attempting to not show her age.
She tried to be cool and crack a few jokes to give a big smile to the Weekender folks. Girl Talk was sometimes silly, sometimes filled with advice, sometimes applauds you for being both naughty and nice. Through the year she told stories, both personal and not, she advised you on dating and finding your g-spot.
She was days past her deadline and was feeling the heat, to get in her story and give you a treat. So she stood in the shower for an hour or two thinking and pondering what she should do. When out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter, she streaked soapy through the house to see what was the matter! There on the floor lay open a book, her cat knocked it off the shelf then gave her a snide look.
2015 brought with it a year of new trends, poop emojis and new i-Phones and snapchatting with friends. There were craft beers and hipsters and beards all around. Steve Harvey messed up when Miss Universe was crowned. A new Star Wars came out and the Trump said some things. Bobbie Cristina gained herself some fluffy angel wings.
Pizza rat fed his family and Paris made the world cry. Bill Cosby then proved he wasn’t a good guy. Some funny stuff happened, it isn’t all bad. Sharknado 3 came out and I was really glad. Canada had a funeral for a raccoon in the street while Left Shark taught the world to dance to its own beat.
We Nae Naed and whipped and hover boarded about, we tweeted our bae, and didn’t catch the gout. That last rhyme was a stretch but I am not Dr. Seuss, Caitlyn Jenner decided that she no longer was Bruce.
But back to my story, Christmas time is here, a time full of laughter, family and cheer. Throw on your ugly sweater and grab yourself a drink, do something charitable, it’s easier than you think. The countless red and green dots from the star showers just show, we all love infomercials, laziness and lights all aglow.
Santa is coming, have you been good? Are your eyebrows on fleek? Do they look like they should? Is the elf on the shelf? Are the presents all wrapped? Does your credit card bill make you feel like you’re trapped? Stop worrying so much, you did great this year. You overcame so much, so go have a beer.
My last thoughts before I end all of this holiday stuff, always keep going and know you’re enough. Take confidence in the fact that you’re all super great, I will continue to advise you on finding a mate. 2016 will come, bringing the world a fresh start and know that you all have a piece of my heart. So now turn the page and I will fly away out of sight, merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
Melissa Hughes is a 30-year-old single mother of one. Girl Talk started as a telltale horror story of the city’s most epic dating disasters and evolved into a column about love, life experiences and growing up. Melissa has a weekly TV segment on PA Live, WBRE, discussing activities in Weekender and a Girl Talk radio segment every Wednesday on 98.5 KRZ.