Girl Talk: Respect yourself: Would you stand by your man through this?
When Tammy Wynette wrote “stand by your man” in 1969, she probably couldn’t imagine that it would still be relevant in 2015. As Hillary Clinton taught us in the ’90s and Khloe Kardashian is teaching us now, it takes a strong woman to stand by your man through the hard parts of life. These women have stood by through infidelity, lies, substance abuse and having the most private, embarrassing parts of their lives aired out for the public to judge. At what point do you stop standing by? When is it time to sit down?
I recently polled a group of my friends to see their breaking points and certainly the big offenders were the liars and the cheaters. These actions will not be acceptable no matter how the situation is spun. There is a zero tolerance policy on any infidelities. Others said there should not be anything in a relationship that needs to be “tolerated.” A leopard does not change its spots and if your partner is doing something that goes against your beliefs or feelings, chances are they will continue to do so no matter how many times they claim they are going to make it right or never do the wrong thing again.
Every relationship is different. Some things that are common occurrences in one relationship would never be tolerated in another. We all have our individual breaking points. In the case of Khloe and Lamar, she had reached hers due to a previous history of substance abuse and infidelities and she left. She moved on with her life, not because she didn’t love him, but because she loved herself more. When he nearly lost his life recently, she was there because she needed and loved him and perhaps that glue was strong enough to repair the mistakes of the past? I guess time will tell the rest of their story.
So what is my stance on standing by your man? I have tried staying with a cheater in the past. I stayed out of fear of being alone, of not being able to make it on my own. Turns out, the relationship was never the same again. I could never fully forgive him and even until this day I still harbor hurt and animosity toward the situation and the people involved. I stood by until I couldn’t anymore. I stood by until I decided to respect myself enough to move on. I stood by until I was sure I was strong enough to stand on my own.
So when Tammy Wynette wrote the words:
“You’ll have bad times, and he’ll have good times/ Doin’ things that you don’t understand/But if you love him, you’ll forgive him/ Even though he’s hard to understand/ And if you love him, oh be proud of him/ ‘Cause after all he’s just a man.”
I couldn’t disagree more. That’s just me, that is my breaking point. There are things I just can’t stand by. The fact that Khloe found it in her heart to forgive and go back after the embarrassment and lies and deceit shows she is still singing a newer version of the same old song. Maybe she has a higher tolerance than I do, or maybe she just needs to learn to stand on her own.
Melissa Hughes is a 30-year-old single mother of one. Girl Talk started as a telltale horror story of the city’s most epic dating disasters and evolved into a column about love, life experiences and growing up. Melissa has a weekly TV segment on PA Live, WBRE, discussing activities in Weekender and a Girl Talk radio segment every Wednesday on 98.5 KRZ.