Dating after 30 can be a scary venture. What was once a dating pool full of great fish that were easy to catch, now seems like a vast, empty ocean. When you cast out your line, the only thing biting your bait seems to be sharks or crappies. I often get letters from people who are reentering the dating world and are shocked at what is swimming in the water. Who is left after the first decade of adult dating has passed us? There are plenty of great people still out there who maybe put their career first or just have not found the one yet, but there are 5 types of mates out there that you should try avoiding like a great white shark on period week.
1. The damaged goods. There are so many people popping up on the dating scene that were burned by their first marriage or serious relationship. They are angry, distrusting and bitter. Every question you ask them is only half-answered because the walls they have built up inside are so high and impenetrable that having a conversation feels very one sided and you will forever feel like you are digging at them to open up. You never really feel like they trust you because of what may have happened in their past. These singles need a therapist to deal with their issues, not a new mate just yet. Tread lightly my friends.
2. The Man-Child. The guy who refuses to grow up. Every night is like a college frat party. Every date involves a beer. Every weekend is revolved around his friends. He has no ambition and is lazy. He probably works a job that you had in college and has no real ambition to do much else. He is likely a mama’s boy and will expect everything to be done for him. If you are looking for a mature, meaningful relationship that is going to go somewhere one day, this guy may be fun for a while, but he isn’t for you.
3. The guy scared of making a commitment. This can be an extension of #2, but not always. These guys can have great jobs, their own place and generally a lot going for them, but they would rather date for 15 years than ever make a real commitment to you. If you are looking to build a future, this one is going to take some work. He hasn’t made a life commitment to someone before you and likely won’t with you or after you. This guy is the stereotypical bachelor for life.
4. The narcissist. Watch out for this one as this dater is likely to love themselves more than they will ever be capable of loving you. They generally attract mates who are codependent because they are often so eager to please. Codependents are generally passive by nature and don’t like to cause waves in life. They are often submissive and easily manipulated while the narcissist is more controlling and calculated. You may not know you are in their midst because in the beginning they come off as charming, romantic, intelligent and flawless (and they know it). They thrive in the environment of your admiration. These relationships are generally very tumultuous with many ups and downs. Eventually the narcissist convinces the codependent that they are unworthy of the love of others and further breaks down their self-esteem because it gives the narcissist a feeling of power or control that they need to thrive.
5. The Booty Caller. This person is dating for one reason. They will start by saying “I am not that type of guy/girl” that’s generally a red flag for them being exactly that. They will try sweet talking their way right into your bedroom, get what they want, then hit the highway. The booty caller will likely be checking out other people while on the date with you, not pay attention to a thing you are saying and will always be in flirt mode. Instead of complimenting your mind or personality, their compliments will strictly be about your body and will generally be suggestive in nature. If you are looking to hook-up then have at it my friend, but the booty caller will leave you with a notch in your bed post and nothing more if you are in the market for a meaningful relationship.
Melissa Hughes is a 30-year-old single mother of one. Girl Talk started as a telltale horror story of the city’s most epic dating disasters and evolved into a column about love, life experiences and growing up. Melissa has a weekly TV segment on PA Live, WBRE, discussing activities in Weekender and a Girl Talk radio segment every Wednesday on 98.5 KRZ.