GIRL TALK: Stop and smell the what?!

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First Posted: 8/5/2013

Last Saturday, I was sitting on a bench in Public Square taking in a few glorious hours of people watching. I was casually sipping on my Dunkin iced coffee when a very heated couple standing a few yards away started screaming at each other. Being the nosy, other-people’s-drama-loving person that I am, I decided to take a listen.

The girl was yelling at her boyfriend, accusing him of cheating. He went out Friday night and didn’t answer his phone. I have heard this argument a hundred times, but then the unthinkable happened. She asked to smell his d—k. To me, this is a perplexingly odd request. If I was so certain that a guy was being unfaithful that I’d be willing to sniff him like a hunting dog, I’d just count my losses and leave.

As someone who needs to stay on the forefront of dating and relationship trends, I started doing some research. To my shock and amazement, I discovered this is not an uncommon request. I recently went with a friend to the set of Maury for an interview. While watching a few tapings, I couldn’t help but notice that this became a recurring request from the women yelling at their cheating baby daddies. Does it make for good TV or is this common practice? It rolled off their tongues as nonchalantly as asking to bum a cigarette.

Upon further investigation, I also discovered there is a YouTube video addressing this very subject. It is a music video for a song called “Smell Your D—k.” This masterpiece about a scorned woman and unfaithful lover surely must have been an inspiration to many; it ended up being featured on Tosh.0. Would you really want your 15 minutes of fame to be a song about this?

I started asking around. Have I been out of the committed relationship loop so long that this is now the new norm and accepted practice? Do we no longer crazily go through men’s phones or stalk their Facebook, instead skipping right to seeking the scent of another woman? We no longer live in the land where the cheating spouse comes home with the tell-tale lipstick on his collar. Instead, it seems we have been forced to turn ourselves into CSI agents or Basset Hounds.

Call me old fashioned. Maybe I am unhip to today’s methods of discovery, but I have no desire to smell it. Other woman or not, it’s not a particularly pleasant smelling organ to begin with. If I think you’re cheating, you don’t deserve me. Women of the world, find your confidence. Stand tall and secure in your relationship. And finally, if you’re going to request a whiff, see if it is the relationship that stinks, not the d—k.