Fantasyland: The Colonel keeps his league in order

Print This Page

First Posted: 12/8/2014

The Colonel don’t need no stinking websites.

Frank “The Colonel” Coughlin, Grand Poobah of the Fantasy Football league of his name — The Colonel’s Fantasy Football League — doesn’t use a computer to keep track of things.

The Colonel compiles the stats himself — with rarely a mistake.

He has a book to track all league business — trades, rosters, results, standings, etc.

If he should err, he simply uses the eraser end of his pencil or he crosses out the bad info and writes in the corrected version.

And there are zero complaints.

If a member of the league shouts out he or she wants to pick up a player that is already on another roster, The Colonel knows.

His exactness is to be admired. His attention to detail is impeccable. His league is run smoother than those online sites.

And if you have an issue, The Colonel is accessible.

And with his flawless business savvy, there is a sense of humor. The Colonel often has the wittiest remarks that cut right to the chase.

The Colonel is the reason the Plymouth VFW has a full turnout each week for meetings. The members of The Colonel’s league parade in, take their results sheet and await the start of the meeting.

They review the previous week’s results, check the standings and look to see who they play next.

It’s a process that works. No baloney. If you want to compete in The Colonel’s league, you better attend the meetings and you better be prepared to make changes or you will be down and out at the bottom of your division’s standings.

And this is not an easy job for The Colonel. He has quite a roster of quirky franchise holders to contend with each week. This is the home of Pickles and Steve and Terry and Muff and The Bopsey Twins and more.

One minute at this weekly meeting and you realize you are not at a Mensa Society meeting. As gifted as the members of this group are, they will not ever be read about in history or science books. They may one day be guests on some Fantasy Football show on the Internet, or as panelists on Jeopardy during “We Ran Out of Real Contestants’ Week.”

But in the Plymouth VFW each week, these guys feel they are the very best at what they do. This Fantasy Football thinktank provides them with the feeling that they are in contention for the Super Bowl. They want to win and they want to beat their lifelong buddies into Fantasy Football submission.

To watch the proceedings each week is both a joy and a struggle. Some immediately select or pass, while others leaf through pages of notes and labor to decide what move they should make.

The Colonel keeps it moving, to his credit. And he manages to keep the heckling to a minimum. Most of the time, the person being ridiculed enjoys it more than the rest of the crew.

But when it’s over, each franchise owner leaves more confident than when they walked in — anxiously awaiting the weekend and monitoring how their players will perform.

And the Colonel packs up his gear and heads for the door. He will know the results before anyone.

And he will share them on Wednesday.

And everyone is good with that.