Let’s get real: Be fabulous with a baby

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First Posted: 4/6/2015

Dear Melissa,

I am a woman in my early 30s and married. I gave birth to my beautiful son 10 months ago. I had a nice social life prior to getting pregnant. I would go out with my friends every week and we texted/talked every day. Ever since I had my son, no one has texted/called and I have a few friends that haven’t even made the time to meet my son. I reached out via text for a while to see how everyone was doing, but I stopped because I was the one doing all the reaching out and I figured if they cared they would reach out to me to see how I was and if I wanted to do something. It has been months and no one has called. I love staying home with my son and husband and being a family, but I would love to be able to go out once in a while. We all need a break. But now, I have no one. No friends at all. No one asks to do anything with me. I looked into a Mommy and Me group to maybe meet new people but it’s geared toward stay at home mothers and all the activities are during the weekdays when I work.

Unfortunately, there are no things geared toward working mothers. What I can do to meet people who have children just like me and are interested in the same things? I’m not a very outgoing person until I get to know people so going out alone is hard for me. I’m also at a loss as to why my friends just forgot about me. Would you call these “friends” and call them out on what they have done? I am hurt and upset because I feel if they were really my friends they would still be in my life.

-Lonely Mama

Dear Mama Bear,

Congratulations on the birth of your son, parenthood is truly the greatest miracle. Unfortunately, people don’t understand how hard of a transition it is going from “me” to “mom” and it is very easy to lose your sense of self. Personally speaking, I was 22 when I had my daughter and also went through a time where my friends would rather choose bars than babies and stopped inviting me places, checking in or even responding. It gets easier. I tried doing “mom stuff” but also found that being a working mother leaves me little time for the moms who have time to bake, volunteer and go to Pilates class. I turned to my family and became closer with them since they didn’t mind my baby being around. When I needed my adult girl time, I started out slow by asking a few girls at the office to go have a drink after work or check out a movie. I need to grow into a new group of friends to re-build a balance in my life. Once my old “friends” saw me out of the house and not covered in spit up, one by one they came back. It took a few years, but many of them apologized for leaving when I needed them and said they just aren’t baby people. It sucks and it’s hard, but the worst thing you can do is stop trying. You need to remind yourself that you have an identity more than “mother” and that being a mom, while an important title, isn’t your only. Be fabulous, be you.