I went to Amish country and all I got was this lousy uni-brow

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First Posted: 4/3/2015

Here’s something I never thought I’d say: I went on a road trip to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, on purpose.

To be honest, I never had any desire to go to Lancaster, because I’ve seen enough Amish people living a lie at Walmart. But when my online talk show, “We the Millennials,” was recently invited to interview the cast of “Cutting Crew,” the first unscripted series on the El Rey Network, I decided to pop my Amish Country cherry.

The show is about award-winning barber Amit Corso and his unruly crew at The Cutting Edge, where they practice edgy artistry through innovative cuts while finding plenty of time to get into some trouble. Amit’s team includes Alex Vazquez, Andre Gonzalez, Bryan Sanchez and Gaby Rivera. Since the crew is all between the ages of 24 to 31 years old, I was looking forward to interviewing them to find out their secret to success and get their perspective on balancing hard work with playing hard. I got all of that —and a frickin’ uni-brow.

The road trip got off to a white trash start when I realized I lost my debit card.

“Don’t worry, I’ll spot you,” said my friend DeeKey, a hip-hop artist who made the trip with me to get a design on his head for an upcoming live performance. We also brought along an aspiring filmmaker named Mattie to direct the shoot because I like making dreams come true. And he’s affordable.

After two hours of driving, we pre-gamed with some homemade peach moonshine before meeting the crew.

Once filming started, I found myself directing the entire shoot; a burden I wasn’t expecting.

“Mattie needs to direct us more,” I said to DeeKey before enterting the barber shop. “He’s just sitting there waiting for me to tell him what to do. I hired him to direct us. He needs to take more control.”

As I was venting, I realized I was wired with a microphone. Even though Mattie was inside waiting for us to come in, he could hear everything I was saying in the mic.

I was hoping he didn’t hear me say it somehow.

Now without a debit card and dignity, I entered the barber shop.

“I saw the trailer for your show. Your cuts are awesome. Give us something we would see on the show,” I said.

“You got it,” they said.

Amit gave DeeKey a design with music notes since he is into music. Meanwhile, Andre told me that my eyebrows were too thin, so he’d make them “on fleek.”

Ten minutes later, I look in the mirror to realize he wasn’t applying wax to my eyebrows; he was drawing a huge uni-brow on my face with eye-liner.

“You said give you something you’d see on the show,” Andre laughed.

Apparently, this was a prank that someone did to him on the show.

At first I was pissed, but it was hard to stay mad at the crew for long. These dudes were hilarious and created such a chill atmosphere that you felt like you were at a friend’s house.

“I think what makes our crew work is our personalities. We’re good at what we do, but so is every other barber. Our personalities together, though, is what makes “The Cutting Edge” stand out from other barber shops,” Alex said.

The barber shop just celebrated its tenth anniversary in business, and after spending an afternoon with them I understand why they have found success.

“We’re really excited to have our show premiere because not only are we the first reality show on the El Rey Network, but we’re one of the first original shows on the new network. I think we’re only like the fourth or fifth original show,” Alex said.

The El Rey Network was launched in 2013 by director Robert Rodriguez (“Sin City,” “From Dusk Till Dawn,” and “The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D”).

After a few hours of hanging with the crew and laughing about stupid shit like dick pics, it was time to go back home.

“I would definitely drive a few hours to get a cut from them again. This is the coolest haircut I ever got,” DeeKey said.

“They were really cool. I can’t wait to watch their show,” I said.

“By the way, I heard everything you said into your mic earlier,” added Mattie.

#Awkward.

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